
Your parent’s divorce can be devastating and profoundly affect your life. You may even feel as if it is the end of everything. You may need some support or guidance to recover from the pain it causes. Liz Chelak offers the practical guidance and support you need to heal and grow from the trauma of your parent’s separation or divorce, so you can feel whole again and thrive. Liz understands what you may be going through after your parent’s decision, especially as a teenager. She helps you get through what is understandably a very difficult experience, find ways to cope and move forward in life.
Begin personalized therapy, online or in-person, in West Palm Beach, and Boca Raton, FL.
Coming to know that your parents are getting divorced is not easy. You may feel as if your foundation has been shattered and what you have known your entire life as your parents is no longer. While they would still be your parents, they would not be together as partners. It is confusing, and rightly so. What you have known as home since your childhood will be longer, and even if one of your parents decides to live in that home, it would not be the same without the other parent.
You will not be able to be with them at the same time, and it will not be easy to come to terms with how things are changing and accept them. However, you will have to accept that your parents are two consenting adults, and if they no longer want to be married to each other or live together, sometimes divorce is the best option. Remember, if they have decided to part ways, it is their choice, and you must respect this.
What Can I Expect to Feel if My Parents Divorce?
Going through intense emotions and turmoil is normal when such changes happen to your family. You may feel stressed, angry, frustrated, sad, or you might feel protective of one parent and blame one for this situation. You may feel abandoned, afraid, worried, or guilty. A lot of emotions surface when changes happen to your family, but making an effort to understand why your parents made this decision and how it will benefit them can make it a little easier to deal with.
At times, you may also feel relieved, especially if there has been a lot of tension or fighting at home. These feelings are normal and very common, and you can learn to cope with them with time and some coping techniques.
Coping With Divorce as a Teenager
The teenage years are often a time of high emotions with so much going on with friends, family, relationships, school, and the realization of who you are. Many teens are already feeling the stress of so much going around them during this time, and parents divorcing or problems in the home and family can add to it.
Tips on Dealing With Your Parents’ Divorce
Here are some tips to help you when your parents are separating or divorcing. These tips can help you heal and make sure you focus on being positive throughout.
Set Boundaries
There may be times when your parents will likely try to put you in the middle even if they don’t mean to. You must tell both your parents that you are not willing to hear them talk about one another or their families. They should not ask you to keep secrets and take sides. It may not be easy, but setting boundaries is necessary to prevent the buildup of stress and negative emotions. Tell them what you will and will not tolerate.
Remain Neutral
It is your parent’s divorce, not yours. You don’t have to choose sides or support one over the other unless one parent did something that led to separation, such as cheating, abuse, or illegal conduct that destroyed things. If you are already closer to one parent than the other, it may seem natural to take sides, but resist this urge to maintain a healthier relationship with your parents in the long run.
Avoid Trying to Be Their Therapist or Friend
Help your parents seek a professional therapist to deal with this intensely emotional change in life. Your parents need support, but this should not come from their child. You can be empathic but draw boundaries so you do not have to take on this dual role. Hearing about your parent’s money issues or their sex life will not do you any good. Even if they try and talk about these matters, remind them gently that you are their kid and want to be just that.
Focus On Self-Care
Taking care of yourself during this time and learning ways to manage your stress is crucial. You can do this by spending time with friends and loved ones or indulging in activities like exercise or other things you like. Do not isolate yourself, as it will not do any good.
Get Support
Talking to a friend, or a therapist, can be a good way to process your emotions and cope with everything going on around you. Spending time with people who are supportive and listen to you without judgment is necessary. Seek out a therapist if you are having difficulty processing your thoughts and feelings. A therapist is partial and will not be tempted to vilify one person or the other. You can also join some support groups. Many people find comfort in knowing they are not alone, and this is something they can handle.
Focus On Your Own Relationships
Your parents’ divorce can impact your relationships too, including your romantic partnerships and friendships. Connect and communicate with your significant other and friends about how the divorce is affecting you and seek their support as needed. You also need to be mindful of how it can affect your future romantic relationships and even the way you view marriage. You may think you will never marry, but you will find someone you want to spend your life with. You will have to navigate the baggage left from your parents’ relationship and divorce.
Establish a Routine
Maintaining a normal routine is necessary as it helps to stabilize things during a time of change. Establish a routine with your usual activities, such as work or hobbies, and it will keep you from becoming preoccupied with divorce and thinking about it all the time.
Give Yourself Time to Process What’s Happening
It is normal to feel a range of emotions during this period, but you must give yourself time to process these feelings. Losing your parents, even if you are no longer a child, does not lessen the blow that comes with the fact. Go easy on yourself and try to accept things as they are, and you will be able to process what is happening in a much better way.
Accept New Traditions
It is vital to accept that some things will never be the same, such as holidays and family get-togethers. Instead of thinking about what is not, start thinking about what it can be and take this as an opportunity to develop your own traditions that bring you joy and fulfillment. Being more accepting and open will help you create something that works for you.
Your parent’s divorce can be one of the hardest things you go through in life, and things will never be the same as before, but you will get used to a new normal. Knowing you cannot change it, coming to accept what it is, and focusing on other things will help you adjust better and move forward.
For more information about our counselors or to schedule an appointment for your therapy, call our office by number:
(561) 363-7994The Most Important Thing to Remember
It is not your fault, and it never was. No matter what you believe or may end up believing, seeing the bitterness in the relationship, you must remember that their getting a divorce has nothing to do with you.
As a teenager, watching your parent’s relationship end can be one of the most difficult things you will go through. Even though this can be a very hard time, it is not your fault. Relationships can be incredibly complicated, and your parents are separating because of issues between them.
It is easy to worry that things you did or did not do led to the current situation. However, there is nothing that you could have done to change the outcome of your parent’s relationship.
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- These Are the Best Therapies for PTSD From Childhood Trauma, According to Therapists
Learn Ways to Deal With Stress
Dealing with a parent’s separation or divorce is pretty stressful, and you must learn new ways to deal with this stress. If you have not figured out how to handle stress in the past or what works best for you, you may have a hard time coping with the situation you are going through.
There are a lot of different things that you can do for stress management. As everyone is different, you can experiment with what works for you. Find hobbies or think of activities that you enjoy, and they will help you handle stress better.
Some popular stress management hobbies and techniques are:
- Journaling
- Running
- Yoga
- Hiking
- Doing puzzles
- Cooking
- Coloring
- Knitting, crocheting, or quilting
- Spending time with your pet
- Playing sports
- Breathing exercises
- Art projects
- Socializing with friends
While you cannot change the fact that your parents getting divorced is causing stress in your life, you can adopt stress management techniques to help you cope with it.
Begin personalized therapy, online or in-person, in West Palm Beach, and Boca Raton, FL.
At Trauma Therapy Center in WPB, we understand how difficult it can be to go through the trauma of seeing your parents taking the final step to end their marriage and move towards divorce. If you are having a hard time managing your emotions and handling stress, schedule an appointment with Liz Chelak for emphatic, compassionate counseling. Liz provides a supportive environment where you can express yourself openly and learn to deal with emotions. She helps you develop skills to deal with these challenges and prepares you to reclaim your life for a better future.