Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Betrayal trauma can occur when someone close to you intentionally or unintentionally violates your trust. The betrayal is usually from someone you trust or look to for support or security.
Causes of betrayal trauma can include:
- Emotional abuse
- Infidelity
- Manipulation
- Exploitation
- Domestic violence
- Rejection from parental figures
- Adverse childhood experiences
No matter the source of your betrayal trauma, healing is possible with our skilled and compassionate therapists in West Palm Beach.
Impact of Betrayal Trauma
Betrayal trauma can cause:
- Feelings of loss
- Difficulty trusting others
- Inability to form close relationships
- Emotional instability
- Panic attacks
- Self-esteem issues
- Physical symptoms
- Relationship problems
It is normal to feel distant from the world and other people after going through betrayal trauma.
Liz Chelak, MSW, CCTSI, CRPS, a clinical social worker, has dealt with hundreds of clients who have suffered from feelings of betrayal. She shares that in her professional experience, clients respond well to rational emotive behavioral therapy (REBT) and emotion focused therapy (EFT) for betrayal trauma.
With betrayal trauma therapy, your therapist will help you:
- Understand and validate their emotions
- Learn about the nature of betrayal trauma as well as coping skills
- Identify and practice emotional regulation
- Process and reframe negative thoughts
Often with betrayal trauma, we may acquire negative beliefs about ourselves and others. The key to betrayal trauma therapy is to reframe those negative beliefs into more adaptive beliefs.
Difference of Betrayal Trauma and Heartbreak
Imagine being blindsided by your partner breaking up with you after being in what you thought was a happy relationship for years. You feel as if your world is shattered and turned upside down. You feel a physical dull pain in your chest and can’t imagine your life without them.
In the following days, you can’t seem to make sense of your emotions, oscillating between sadness, anger, and confusion. You see happy couples all around and feel disgusted.
After some time, throughout it all you begin to regain hope. You start believing that you might create a life without them and feel positive about what that life may look like. Your heartbreak begins to heal and over time you can live a fulfilling life again. This is a painful experience of heartbreak.
Now, imagine your partner cheated and you find the evidence from someone at their job. When you ask them about this, they deny it, but you know deep down that it’s true and you feel like you’ve been living with a stranger all these years.
As time goes on, you experience shock, denial, and intrusive thoughts. You notice yourself becoming hypervigilant and easily startled. You avoid reminders of your partner’s behavior such as specific people, places, and things. After some months pass, you notice headaches, fatigue, and stomach problems. This is betrayal trauma.
Complexities of Betrayal Trauma
Why Is It Difficult to Heal From Betrayal Trauma?
The deep emotional pain of betrayal trauma can lead to loss of trust, feeling overwhelmed and unsafe, and a loss of your sense of security. You may be consumed with the intrusive worry of being betrayed again. Your self-image may even be affected, feeling guilt for what happened to you.
This is a normal response to betrayal trauma. There is hope for healing. With the help of a trauma therapist or clinical social worker, and a support system, you can regain your self-worth.
The Cycle of Hope and Disappointment
Liz Chelak, MSW, CCTSI, CRPS shares that in her experience working with clients, betrayal trauma can manifest itself as:
- Difficulty in forming new healthy relationships
- Inability to regulate emotions
- Trust issues
- Unhealthy attachment styles
- Feelings of shame and guilt
- Loss of identity
- Substance use
Everyone can experience betrayal trauma differently. With the help of a therapist, you can heal all the negative side effects after experiencing a betrayal.
How Long Does Betrayal Trauma Last?
The symptoms of betrayal trauma, such as low self-esteem, last until you heal. Healing involves reframing your negative beliefs into more positive or hopeful beliefs about yourself and others.
Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Before participating in therapy, it is common for individuals with a history of betrayal trauma to use unhealthy coping mechanisms. Dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) is a great option for learning distress tolerance and acquiring specific mindfulness and coping skills.
Some unhealthy coping mechanisms include:
- Substance use
- Avoidance behaviors
- Unhealthy eating habits
- Poor sleep schedule
- Self-harm
These unhealthy coping strategies can feel helpful short-term to distract yourself from the negative feelings, however long-term they can cause serious harm.
During behavioral health therapy, you will acquire different types of healthy coping skills that will be effective long-term and alleviate your negative emotions more effectively.
Healing From Betrayal Trauma
Importance of Seeking Professional Help
Seeking help from a licensed counselor is important to receive external validation of your experiences and feelings. In psychodynamic therapy, you can identify the root cause of your feelings and patterns, identify healthy coping skills, prevent the long-term effects of trauma, and learn to handle life challenges.
How to Heal From Betrayal Trauma?
Healing from betrayal trauma works best when combining multiple healthy practices. A therapist can help you identify strategies that work for you and teach you coping skills.
Some important aspects of healing include:
- Identifying and validating your emotions: According to Liz Chelak, MSW, CCTSI, CRPS, awareness is the first step in healing. Acknowledging your feelings of betrayal, as well as any other feelings will help guide you and your therapist as to where the work needs to be done.
- Building a support system: Family members, friends, and professionals can help you in your betrayal trauma healing journey. A PTSD therapist is the best type of professional support.
- Learn to set boundaries: Setting boundaries can protect yourself from further hurt and improve your relationships.
- Anger management: It is normal to feel angry after betrayal trauma. However, anger is an example of an unhealthy negative emotion. You and your therapist will work to identify cognitive shifts to experience healthy emotions.
- Challenge your negative thoughts: Betrayal trauma can lead to negative beliefs about yourself, others, or the world around you. With the help of your therapist, you can learn and practice strategies to reframe these thoughts and adopt more positive beliefs.
- Forgiveness: When appropriate, forgiveness can be healing. You can practice forgiveness for yourself, not the person who betrayed you. It’s important to remember that forgiveness does not have to mean letting that person know you forgave them or letting them back in your life if you don’t want to.
You will notice positive changes in your life, reduced PTSD symptoms, and an overall sense of well-being while participating in trauma therapy. You will be equipped with skills to manage your emotions and cope with life transitions.
How Long Does It Take to Recover From Betrayal Trauma?
There are no fixed timelines for healing. Everyone’s trauma and healing experiences are different. It is important to give yourself time and ask for help from a licensed therapist. Remember to take it one step at a time.
Your therapist will guide you through the healing process which involves:
- Emotional and somatic regulation
- Identifying your betrayal trauma symptoms
- Understanding cognitive distortions
- Identifying feelings that resulted from your betrayal trauma
- Reframing your negative beliefs
Your collaboration is integral during this process. After therapy, you will feel a newfound sense of optimism and hope. You will emerge stronger and more resilient than before.
How to Help Someone With Betrayal Trauma?
If you know someone who is dealing with betrayal trauma you can offer your support in the following ways:
- Ask them what they need: Sometimes your loved one may need advice, while at other times they may just want you to listen. It’s always best practice to ask people dealing with trauma how you can best help them.
- Respect their boundaries: Remember that everyone is in control of their own healing. Allow them to set boundaries and be respectful.
- Listen non-judgmentally: Make sure they know their feelings are valid. Provide an opportunity for them to share in a safe place. Listen attentively and give verbal and non-verbal cues that you are listening.
- Encourage professional help: While being a supportive friend can help someone through healing betrayal trauma, a trauma therapist can help heal the side effects of betrayal. Encourage your loved one to find a therapist they feel comfortable with and can trust.
There are many ways to be a support for someone experiencing trauma. One of the best ways is active listening.
How to Heal a Partner’s Betrayal Trauma?
While you can be a supportive partner by listening and respecting boundaries, true healing can happen only through trauma therapy.
The best way you can help your partner deal with their betrayal trauma is to help them find a therapist.
How to Get Betrayal Trauma Therapy?
The Trauma Therapy Center has licensed therapists who specialize in trauma therapy that can help you, a friend, or a family member heal from betrayal trauma.
How Effective Is Betrayal Trauma Therapy?
While research on healing specifically betrayal trauma is limited, interventions such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), rational emotive behavioral therapy (REBT), and eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) have been proven to decrease trauma symptoms.
Therapeutic Approaches for Betrayal Trauma
How Does Betrayal Trauma Therapy Work?
Betrayal trauma therapy works by using the following key principles:
- Building a therapeutic relationship
- Creating a safe space
- Increasing self-awareness
- Providing psychoeducation
- Boundary setting
- Cognitive restructuring
- Developing coping skills
After trauma therapy, you will reclaim parts of yourself that were once lost and no longer feel defined by your pain.
Individual Therapy
During individual therapy, you and your counselor will work to identify the best intervention, such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) or rational emotive behavioral therapy (REBT), for your case. With the help of your trusted therapist, individual therapy will empower you to reclaim your sense of self-worth.
Couples Therapy
Couples therapy is a good option if both you and your partner are willing to process and identify coping skills you can work on together to heal your betrayal trauma.
Support Groups
Support groups are a great way to connect with others who have similar experiences. Listening to the stories of others and having your story be heard and validated can be a healing experience in itself.
Self-Care Strategies
During therapy, you will learn self-care and self-love strategies that can help with your betrayal trauma healing and maintain overall well-being after therapy.
Building healthy boundaries
Boundaries are a way to let people around you know what you are okay with and what you are not, to increase self-esteem and improve your relationships.
Developing a Strong Support System
A strong support system can help you get through difficult times. Your support system is several trusted people who can provide emotional validation, assistance, and accountability.
Practicing Self-Compassion and Forgiveness
Feeling guilt after experiencing betrayal trauma is not uncommon. Through counseling, you will begin to let go of unhealthy negative emotions and learn to trust not only others but yourself again, attaining inner peace.
Healthy Coping Mechanisms
Some healthy coping mechanisms you may learn in counseling include:
- Stress management techniques
- Mindfulness
- Breathing exercises
- Grounding exercises
- Cognitive reframing
Your therapist will provide you with multiple options you can choose from and help you decide the best options for you.
Moving Forward
The Road to Healing Is Not Linear
It is important to remember that there can be backslides in healing. These experiences provide a new lesson along with new information about yourself, your patterns, and new healing techniques that can work for you.
Building a Fulfilling Life After Betrayal Trauma
You can experience healthy and happy relationships and live life peacefully. The key is identifying your patterns and learning healthy tools for handling distress.
Finding Healthy Relationships
Learning what a healthy relationship means to you, setting boundaries, and practicing healthy communication can help you find healthy relationships to add meaning to your life.
Our commitment to offering exemplary betrayal trauma therapy to the West Palm Beach and Palm Beach County community is underscored by our experienced team of therapists, equipped with specialized expertise in REBT, CBT, and EMDR therapy. At the Trauma Therapy Center, we prioritize your healing journey from betrayal trauma, empowering you to regain control over your emotional landscape. With a compassionate approach, we’re dedicated to helping you transform the pain of betrayal into an opportunity for personal growth, resilience, and lasting emotional well-being.